Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
