Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
