He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
