Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You need Xanax blowdarts
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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