heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
