No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
