just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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