I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
