I just cut my nipple shaving
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
