I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
