why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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