I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
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