Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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