Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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