it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
