There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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