i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
