Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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