This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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