Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
