Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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