i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
