thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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