Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
As shirtless as possible
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
