Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Randomize
