so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I had to cum in my sink.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
