Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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