So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Randomize
