Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
We're too hungover to prance.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
