you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
