i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I wear drunk well.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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