I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
ttyl tear gas
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I just gargled with NyQuil
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
