My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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