I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
