Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
