Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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