I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
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