This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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