yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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