even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
