I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
