Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
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Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
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Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
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