I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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