yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
