My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
