oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
