What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
