im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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