Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
