"it" just moved
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
