I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
