my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
