you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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