I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I think my moral compass just broke
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize