really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.