I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
