Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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