from now on my penis is your penis
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
