I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
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All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
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We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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