So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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