Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
