New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
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