just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
