At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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