I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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