It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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