wat bout pragnant strippers??
there's paper in my vomit.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
