i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
