A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
