Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize