i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
the gays at disneyland are vicious
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
