she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
