Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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