How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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